Writer, Director, Editor
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To be a Straw Hat
By Emel Saat
A young woman graduated from college and has no idea what to do with the rest of her life. No one will hire a nobody with no experience and a lot of time on their hands. Spiky (her nickname), tries to find her way in life while many odds are stacked against her, such as a lack of income, the lack of experience, her friends not understanding the entrepreneur life, society's definition of being an adult, and the struggle of being her own cheerleader.
Updates every Friday
About the author:
Indie Filmmaker/Writer/Entrepreneur
Twitter: LuckyDaruma7
Based on a true story. Names and some things have been changed.
This is dedicated to my friends, family and fellow lost souls who struggle to be happy. You've gotten this far, you can keep going. If you want to make a change in your life then I say, "Go for it!"
Author's Note:
*Read the Author's notes when you see "*" so as not to be confused.
*The poems will switch back and forth from the main character to the narrator.
*Updates every Friday
Enjoy.
Prologue
11/26/2021
Author's Note: Some inspiration came from the children's book "The Little Red Hen" by Paul Galdone
The Little Red Hen's Bakery
I feel the light
I see the stars
Only distance makes it far.
An empty stomach full of potential
but I can never fit their credentials.
When I finally know what I want
It's not what they're looking for,
Walking away
I find my own door.
Sweat on my brow
And my hands are numb.
But through all weather I move
Until I am done.
Not everyone I meet is friendly.
Maybe most are lazy,
But they all agree my ideas are crazy.
They say I don't have guts, resources or brains.
Listening to it all is a pain.
I'll admit,
I say they're right.
Though, only to their faces.
Behind their backs their voices are long gone.
I know where I'm going, and I am going places.
Right now it seems I can't sit still
From idea to idea my brain is filled.
I want to swallow knowledge
And experience all this world has to offer
As if it were a big whopper.
To learn a language or two
To feed a few
Or a million
Or maybe a bajillion!
To learn to dance free and to the beat
To sing out loud!
Sit here, front row-take a seat.
To learn to defend myself and look kinda cool.
Don't worry,
I won't kick you into the pool-
I'll push you in!
We'll laugh until our abs hurt.
I want to travel the world until my feet are burnt.
To hear stories that will make my eyes go wide,
to make my mind expand,
to be amazed at the world we live in
whether it was magic or planned
beautiful or hateful.
For sure, my life will have connected dots,
like the Mac computer's pops.
You know, Steve Jobs?
Right,
"Jobs"
Who needs a job?
"Not I" Said the Little Red Hen.
"I'm the boss of my own bakery."
Note: Updates every Friday
1) After Graduation
I did it.
Every show and movie on my list is checked off,
My mom returns home from work. Her eyes pinch.
Setting down her bulky backpack she scoffs.
“You haven’t moved an inch.”
Feeling a slight chill I zoom.
I snatch a blanket from my bed.
Before sitting back down in the living room,
A yellow leaf smacks the window.
It fills me with dread.
Autumn.
Note: Updates every Friday
2) Grab a Laptop and Gather Round
Three lost souls sit on the living room floor.
With deep concentration typing on the coffee table.
Four hours pass, maybe more...
The search for jobs becomes a fable.
One Spiky Haired graduate lies down on the rug.
"There's nothing to pick!"
"5 years of experience, straight out of college,
for a 6 month internship!
The Red Sweater grad replies,
"What about being an audience member,
a dog walker,
or a house sitter this November?"
The young ladies gather round.
"Whaaaa?!" is their only sound.
Red Sweater spins her screen to show the others.
"It's all on Craigslist," she coos like a mother.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/10/2021
3) Craigslist: Extras Wanted
Spiky hair is welcomed by a kid.
A 17 year old kid.
She is given a short script
and is told to wait.
Little did she know that she took the bait.
The only free seat is in front of a blasting radio.
"Don't worry chikas and daddios,
this New York City rain will skittle away..."
As time wore on Spiky's blatter became a tipping bucket.
The kid is no help, and a curse slips out. "Shuck it!"
It is finally Spiky's turn.
Everyone before her had taken forever.
She gets up and her nerves churn.
The kid who leads her has a look of “Whatever.”
The pressure from her insides
and the nerves to say those lines.
She cannot say them without the script.
When she finishes
The woman behind the desk holds up some papers.
"For this price, I can give you a list of agencies,"
She said with an urgency.
Spiky, confused but went along with it anyway
Replied,
"No."
And just like that, the next person was called in.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/17/2021
4) If Only I was a Straw Hat
There is a crew I wish I could join.
Some pirates with strong personalities.
They laugh and go on big adventures,
Freedom is at the captain's core center.
Their captain is a simple dude,
Who gets caught in a lot of feuds.
He only wants three things.
Adventure, freedom and friends.
It’s a story I think should never end.
The crew are friendly people.
They save towns and countries,
But are seen as bad people.
They are hated at first
From their bad reputation in newspapers.
Then they beat up the pirates
Who are power chasers.
They win at the end of every fight.
The captain fights for his friends
With all of his might.
Everyone calls the crew
“The Straw Hats.”
What I wouldn’t give
To be called that.
Of course it’s only a show,
A make believe,
A fantasy...
It’s a mighty fine story though.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/24/2021
5) There’s Not Much Else to Say
"*One Piece" fills my days.
G-mail has nothing for me.
I am frustrated.
*One Piece is the pirate show in poem
Note: Updates every Friday
1/1/2022
6) No Response
There are no new emails.
There hasn't been for the past few weeks.
The morning might as well be the afternoon.
Dinner might as well be breakfast.
Time might as well be still...but it won't.
Spiky rests her forehead on her dresser.
There's nowhere to go outside.
There's nothing out there to do.
Outside might as well be inside.
Note: Updates every Friday
1/7/2022
7) Old Expectations, Make Way For the New
Three old friends walk through the city streets.
Unsure of what to eat.
None of them make any money.
Spiky avoids stepping on a stuffed bunny.
None of them know what their futures hold.
Graduating college makes them feel cold.
Frozen to live in their family's' home.
Around 20 is when life is supposed to start.
To have a career, have your own place,
and for someone to be a part of your heart.
Back then their parents were considered real adults.
Being a "20 something year old kid," is today's insult.
The stress of expectations brings these three down.
They draw circles on the ground.
It's the same thing every time they get together.
In the drenching rain, sunny days or any weather.
From the outside they look depressed,
but they're doing what good friends do best.
Coming together to have a support fest.
Note: Updates every Friday
1/14/2022
8) An Internship?
In the elevator all I can think is
"How do you talk to people again?"
Three of us wait in a glass room,
waiting for our interview.
Someone jokes, "Maybe we'll have to fight each other."
My insides flutter.
Some kind of courage makes me say "Like in the Hunger Games?"
The third mimed a bow and arrow pretending to take aim.
We laugh.
The CEO comes in.
We answer her questions one by one.
She accepts us all. It feels like my first win.
There is no pay, but this might be fun.
I applied to be their filmmaker
and ended up one of their article bakers.
It took some time,
but I was able to change her mind.
Sometimes being bad at something (like articles)
Can make people kind.
I became one of their new cinematographers!
Note: Updates every Friday
1/21/2022
9) Interning at a Start-up
Once a week they have a meeting.
For events, Spiky brings her camera.
After a while
the excitement depletes...
People are 2 to 6 hours late.
No one has ideas to debate.
And not one person is paid.
What kept them there
is what the CEO displays.
A platform showing talented artists.
And those who are being made.
Spiky stays to work on her craft.
It was better than being home
letting time pass.
To be around someone ambitious
was a nice contrast.
For in the adult world
Many are waiting to crash.
Note: Updates every Friday
1/28/2022
10) All They Think About
A trend is hanging around.
A fashionable fear,
a scare, beware
the familiar sound.
Spiky and her friends sigh together.
"I'll die alone." These silly birds of a feather.
What makes them silly is the obvious.
We came into this world alone,
We leave this world alone.
At the author they groan,
"But throughout our life we cannot be alone!"
Their chins rest on the wooden table.
Their heads roll side to side,
Unaware of the sticky table top.
They fill the air with talk.
"There are no good guys
who consider a date a nice summer walk."
Even though
These ladies have their lives to figure out.
They cannot help it.
Being alone is all they think about.
Note: Updates every Friday
2/4/2022
11) It’s Time to Make Some Money
In a few buildings
Flyers she pins up.
A mother calls her,
Spiky almost throws-up.
She got a job
To watch a 7 year old.
The little girl is pretty bold.
With lots of energy and imagination.
Spiky stays calm and patient.
At times she tells the girl, “No!”
And “Wash your bowl.”
Back and forth
They persuade one another.
Through the running around,
Disagreements,
And Spiky’s few achievements,
Somehow and some way
The little girl likes
Whenever Spiky comes to play.
Note: Updates every Friday
2/11/2022
12) A Producer (Miss P)'s Assistant
Through college and Facebook connections
Spiky finds something in her field.
Something to add to her resume collection.
It is a part-time that pays!
But the excitement fades.
There are many mistakes
that end in shouts.
On the train home that's all
Spiky fixates...
on.
When with the producer
Spiky's stomach twists,
and her lunch has no taste.
A topic Miss P loves to bring up,
is her assumption of how Spiky grew up.
"You are a quiet female mouse
who's never left her house.
When I was your age
I traveled away.
You need to experience dirt and sports."
She asks Spiky, "Which director do you support?"
"Federico Fellini and Steven Spielberg," Spiky replies.
"Ugh, only male directors!" Miss P outcries.
Spiky has no words
for many of these responses.
Miss P is so confident in her imagination.
In Spiky's eyes, there is no admiration.
Note: Updates every Friday
2/18/2022
13) How they Put the “Up and Coming” Down
It is the afternoon
Spiky's break is soon.
From out of the blue,
"In film,
what is it you want to do?"
Asks Miss P.
Spiky turns, "I don't know, I'm still new."
"Definitely not a producer," she achoos.
"I-I have a script
that was chosen from more than a few.
It won first prize out of three other classes."
Miss P. set down her glasses.
She asks for more.
As if Spiky's story is in a cup,
she pours.
Miss P. was slightly impressed.
"To make that, would take a lot of money,"
hoping Spiky would get depressed.
A smile creeps as she adds,
"You would need a lot of skill."
Spiky sits still.
She feels the spikes in her gut.
She keeps her mouth shut.
"You don't know shiz Mizz P."
Note: Updates every Friday
2/25/2022
14) Not Where She's Meant to Be
With all that's going on,
The babysitting, the two internships and so on.
Spiky is lost.
Nothing she does feels right.
She is under the wrong spotlight
for what she wants out of life.
As what feels like forever,
When it has only been a couple months.
She quit the assistant producer's job.
Spiky's stomach was in too many tight knots.
Now she is free
and no longer felt like a mistreated prop.
Even though the money was better
than her other works,
Her psyche was feeling a lot of probs*.
With some reflection,
an old thought resurrects.
"I should-
I will work for myself." She corrects.
Note: Updates every Friday
3/11/2022
15) Halloween: There Are Some Things We Can't Explain
I ride the train as a pirate.
The weather felt like minus.
My friends and I meet.
Red is a bat and Petals
A ghost under a sheet.
Off into a haunted mansion we go.
Maybe this will be a ghost show.
Along the ghost tour
There was a whiff of smoke.
“There was a fire here that killed a bloke,”Our tour guide says.
Red and I glance at each other.
Petals' cell phone dies.
From a loud BONK some people cry.
We're out of that place
There is a change in Petals' face.
Her phone resurrects
back from the dead!
We wait for the train and talk about our lives.
Red asks me, “What will you do to survive?”
“To survive this world I’ll work for myself.”
Red giggles as if it was a silly thought.
Working for someone is not in my story's plot.
In silence I stand.
It's okay if some people don’t understand.
Note: Updates every Friday
3/11/2022
16) Start-up: A Sad Goodbye
I don't know why I stayed as long as I did.
There is so much potential.
But only the leader's strong spirit is evidential.
The team is at a loss
while at the same time
they say, "You got it boss."
Their motivation
and determination is not there.
I did my best.
The CEO loves my work!
That is the internship's only perk.
I say goodbye and hoped her the best,
because another project was brewing
and it will be a big test.
Note: Updates every Friday
3/18/2022
17) What Spiky Wants
Okay Spiky, the readers are asking.
What part of life will you be attacking?
"Attacking?" She asks, confused.
What is your life's muse?
What do you want to do?
**"I want to swallow knowledge
And experience all this world has to offer
As if it were a big whopper!"
How? Besides fil-
"-Films!"
But-
"-I will become a great writer/director,"
She says as if it is sweet nectar.
Spiky, it takes a lot of money
and the list goes on.
Stop sounding funny.
She leans in,
"Between you and I,
I know no one will give me a shot.
But darn it, I am Spiky Dot.
I'm not going to wait for others anymore!
Life is short and my life will not be a bore."
Before more can be said
She goes into her room without dinner's bread.
Late into the night she edits.
*A stanza from the prologue
Note: Updates every Friday
3/24/2022
18) The First Step
After 30 minutes the little girl falls asleep.
In the living room Spiky props up her feet.
With her short script in her lap,
There were a few things her story lacks.
She scratches out words and lines,
Aiming to make her work shine.
The parents arrive and give her thirty dollars.
Spiky’s script now has no problems.
Her next step is to find someone to read her script
and who understands story.
She says to herself,“Hmm maybe I could try Cory.”
Note: Updates every Friday
4/1/2022
19) A Cold Critique
It is late and there is nowhere to go.
The two sat on a cold bench with snow.
Cory held the script and read it in silence.
Spiky wishes she was on a warm island.
Her fingers are frozen numb,
Waiting for Cory to be done.
He looks up, “This will be your first film?”
“Yes, my first real film.”
“It’s ambitious.”
It’s nothing compared to my feature film,
She thought.
He wasn’t being vicious.
Cory states what needs to be fixed.
Spiky writes it all in a short list.
At the end of the critique he asked a question.
As if this was an intervention.
“You said you want to work for yourself?
What happens when you want a job later?”
Spiky replies, “You sound like a hater.”
“I’m being realistic.
One day you might need to make money.
Having a gap in your resume won’t be sunny.”
“Cory,
I live at home, I have no boyfriend, and I have no job.
I have all the time in the world, and nothing to lose.”
Note: Updates every Friday
4/8/2022
20) Please God, Please
Don’t think Spiky doesn’t have a plan.
Her short script won first place in her class.
She needed more recognition for when people ask,
“Why should I work with you?
She learned some things from Professor Drew,
“You need a producer to work with you.”
If Spiky gets accepted to festivals with her script,
She could find a producer to sail this ship.
She scrolls through the list of screenplay/film festivals.
Will they think her script is acceptable?
It’s completely crazy Spiky has to pay,
For the art she worked on for days.
With her babysitting money she submits to a few.
She prays to God as she clicks “Pay Now.”
All that is left is to wait 6 months for news.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/15/2022
21) Going to the Gym
There’s not much for Spiky to do,
But wait for fate.
In the meantime,
She tries to work out with Petals.
At least once a week,
To be as fit as a kettle.
Petals talks of going back to school.
As she does, they both reminisce of routine.
Taking classes, being around other students,
Having some kind of deadline.
Walking to the gym they sound like fools.
They can do anything in the world,
And they’re thinking about school.
Of course for some professions,
They call for more education.
Especially during this job recession.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/22/2022
21) Going to the Gym
There’s not much for Spiky to do,
But wait for fate.
In the meantime,
She tries to work out with Petals.
At least once a week,
To be as fit as a kettle.
Petals talks of going back to school.
As she does, they both reminisce of routine.
Taking classes, being around other students,
Having some kind of deadline.
Walking to the gym they sound like fools.
They can do anything in the world,
And they’re thinking about school.
Of course for some professions,
They call for more education.
Especially during this job recession.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/29/2022
22) I Can Do This
I made a list.
And checked it more than twice.
A list of all eight places
My script was sent to.
For a while, I got numb emails.
“Thank you for entering
Our screenwriting contest…”
There was no point in reading the rest.
Failure is nothing new.
Nothing my brain needs to chew
On.
But today.
For the first time,
I do not know what to say.
But LA!
“A small screenwriting competition,
Aaaallllll the way on the west coast
Chose me as a *finalist,” I choke.
There’s no way I’ll be able to attend
The award ceremony.
But for once I felt matrimony.
What I love is what I do.
With this future
There will be fruit.
It will take some time,
But with this small win
Is where my confidence begins.
*Screenplay competitions usually have a few finalists and one winner
Note: Updates every Friday
5/6/2022
23) Another One for the Records!
An email from the Nantucket screenwriting competition.
Which is known in the indie film community.
It was suggested by a Professor
When Spiky looked for fests stupidly.
The mouse’s arrow hovers over the email.
This could be a win, it could be a loss.
“Let’s do this fast and then get apple sauce.”
She opens it with a high pitched yelp.
Her eyes close and she may need help.
Spiky takes a peak at the first word.
Sometimes one word is all it takes.
To know if your dreams can be real
Or fake.
“Congratulations”
She reads on, “Your script is one of the finalists.”
Spiky made it through the first round!
Round two will be announced at the festival,
*Where the winner winner gets chicken dinner.
The festival will be in Massachusetts.
Which isn’t too far.
The whole family could drive up in their car.
Maybe Spiky can go there and find her producer.
This trip is going to be super.
*Not literally
Note: Updates every Friday
5/13/2022
24) The Nantucket Film Fest Schedule
In high spirits,
Every few days I kept an eye out for updates.
Today, they sent the event schedule.
Down the movie titles I land on some fate?
The film I assisted Miss P on will be showing as well.
Many feelings swirl in incomplete sentences.
With all that has recently happened I cannot dwell.
It would be very easy to write a “HAHA!”
Email to Miss P.
Or “I’ll see you at Nantucket Miss P,”
Or “They love my script, Miss P,”
Or “My film is going to happen Miss P,”
Or “I’m on my way to the top Miss P,”
Or “You were completely wrong about me Miss P!”
And then end it with more HAHAHAHAs!
Yes,
I could do that.
But God would make
Me land on my butt flat.
There'll be a day when Miss P will see me in an article,
On tv, YouTube, or some interview.
She’ll see how happy I am
And reality will hit her like “BAM!”
The new generation of filmmakers are here.
Note: Updates every Friday
5/20/2022
25) Before the Big Day
It took 6 hours to get to Nantucket.
On the small island the family is excited.
The mom sees Spiky’s shirt is out,
“Spiky you need to tuck it.”
Spiky does as she is told.
She is dressed in business casual.
This town is very old.
They see a tour for the supernatural.
They walk through the streets.
This whole situation is amazing.
Spiky can’t pick up her feet.
She cannot be more thankful
To be accepted.
Along with filmmakers with talent.
She could sing a happy ballad.
The family watches some indie films.
A man with gills, a teenager hiding pills,
A documentary on Indian landfills.
It isn’t until tomorrow
The screenwriter winner will be announced.
For now Spiky will enjoy
This film is about a character in a joust.
Note: Updates every Friday
5/27/2022
26) The Most Important Brunch in Spiky’s Life
It’s the big day!
Spiky’s parents take a few pictures
In front of the list of finalists’ display.
Sadly her family can’t come with her.
Her siblings are impatient to look around.
The family says “Good luck!”
Her siblings are gone in a blur.
Again, in business casual
Spiky takes a deep breath in.
Let this memorable day begin!
Spiky walks into the fancy restaurant.
She presents her special pass.
She is led to a large tent of high class.
She sits at a large table nearby.
Spiky enjoys the scenery.
The place is beautifully lit
With the help of the summer sky.
Surrounded by talented filmmakers,
Who all seem to know each other?
Spiky is the youngest indie makers.
She pulls together scraps
Of knowledge of being social.
For the past 5 months
She’s talked to 6 people in total,
In person...
Somehow and some way
Spiky finds herself talking
To those at her table.
She tells them of her film.
Her words are sturdy and stable.
They exchange business cards
Giving each other best regards.
Everyone gets food on their plate.
Spiky remembers her so-called “fate.”
She hasn’t seen Miss P at all.
Shrugging her shoulders
Spiky enjoys her milk shake.
Someone goes up to the podium.
Everyone quiets down
And turns around.
The man gives an introduction
And explains the greatness
Of writers in film.
Now it all comes down
To the winner
Who’ll get a few figures
To put their script on screen.
Spiky leans in.
She somehow made it
Into the top three.
She just might win?
The guy announces “Nick Finn!
Congratulations.”
Everyone including Spiky claps.
She could not feel sad
Seeing the look on Nick’s face.
His smile was big and bright.
He’s not someone you’d want to fight.
At the end of the announcement
Spiky knows she has to be a good player.
You know,
Like what soccer players do
At the end of a game.
Though losing was a shame.
She shook Nick’s hand and said
“Good game.”
Well, more like, “Congrats.”
He somewhat recognized Spiky
From the finalists photos online.
Yet, he’s a little confused
of who this kid is,
But he said, “Thank you.”
Spiky leads herself out,
From the fancy place.
To be this close to an opportunity
Feels like a win for Spiky.
She did not succeed now
but she knows,
She’s going to get there
and strike a winner’s pose!
Note: Updates every Friday
6/3/2022
27) One Step at a Time
She was at the festival for a few days.
Spiky’s wallet became empty.
Her business cards were all given away.
Back at home she reaches out to those she met.
One of them may know a good producer
She bets.
One day, two days, three days pass.
Alas, not one replies back.
So Spiky thought hard,
“Who do I know who can do this job?”
The apartment door opened and closed.
Spiky yelled out, “Mom?”
She jumps out of her seat.
Yes!
Her mother would be great.
She’s organized, is never late,
On the phone she’s a pro,
And she can handle finances.
Why not so?
Spiky runs to her mother and asks,
“Will you be my producer?”
Her mom smiles and says,
“Yeah, that will be super!”
With weight off Spiky’s feet
She skips around in big leaps.
One step at a time.
One step at a time.
Note: Updates every Friday
6/10/2022
28) Why did Spiky go to School?
Without any money to get this film started,
Spiky has no idea what to do.
Besides that her mother is stuck to her job
Like glue.
Spiky slowly falls into routine
Of being stuck at home.
She becomes trapped in this dome.
With no one to guide her,
With no mentor help her,
Days become a blur.
Note: Updates every Friday
11/16/2022
29) I Feel Stuck
I spend my days talking to Red and Petals.
We sit on park benches lost in the adult world.
Having a job and your own place is a metal.
Besides babysitting and watching One Piece,
Young adults on social media tease.
They get to travel around,
eat nice food and wear crowns.
Trapped at home I go to my father.
“I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“How about a project?” he offers.
He leads me to his computer.
“Have you heard of these?
Tiny homes are spreading like a rumor.
The way rent is rising
And wages are stagnant,
This will be the future.
If I could make them
And sell them, our family would be set.”
As he scrolls through photos on Google,
And YouTube videos,
I know who will like them...millennials.
My father has had many ideas,
Where projects lead nowhere.
This was because his partners all sucked.
Maybe with the right one he would have some luck.
With time on my hands and right now I’m feeling stuck,
I said, “Let’s build one.”
Note: Updates every Friday
11/25/2022
30) Glad to Be Moving
Maybe this whole thing is crazy
But my world doesn’t feel hazy.
There’s a goal I can fallow,
And I’m not doing this alone.
My dad bought the base,
And we got an investor.
My brother, dad and I
Put on our game face.
It’s a 15 minute walk
Through a burning summer.
Many would think this is a bummer.
From the train station to a workshop
That took a month To find.
We work everyday,
My brother on the weekends.
Building a home brings a new perspective.
We’re all moving towards the same direction.
My hands are busy,
There’s no stopping this sweat.
My mind is fizzy,
With the past and with the future.
If we can sell this tiny home,
I’ll use my share for my film.
I’m making it. I definitely will.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/2/2022
31) It’s Taking Longer Than Expected
The rain has turned into snow.
For Spiky’s hands the cold is their foe.
It’s difficult to wrap her hands
Around a 2x4.
She runs into the tiny home
Where there is a heater on the floor.
Her dad works hard.
The family has gotten pretty far.
They build the bones, the walls
And put in styrofoam.
With the sidings it’s starting to look like home.
Because they work everyday,
Spiky had to quit babysitting.
The 7 year old and Spiky,
Sadly can no longer play.
Throughout the day there is so much to do.
Though at the same time things moved slowly.
Spiky wants this home finished wholly
And as quickly as possible.
But they can’t control everything, thus it wasn't plausible.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/9/2022
32) Growing up in America
Going back and forth
Filming everything and building the tiny home,
Spiky’s dad is sometimes on the phone.
He talks to his friends in Turkish.
A language Spiky never learned.
A thought came up to the surface.
“I should go to Turkey to learn Turkish,”
She told her dad.
Her dad looks at her somewhat sad.
He only taught his kids a tad.
With a smile he says, “Let’s do it.
Let’s send you to Turkey after this,”
They give each other a high five and miss.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/16/2022
33) What Could This Mean?
Spiky and her Dad return home.
It was another exhausting day.
Her mom calls Spiky to her room to say,
“I mentioned your film to Grandpa,
He sounded interested in it.”
Spiky’s face was in aw.
Her Grandpa is a stoic type of person.
When he comes into the room
You feel like you need to sit up straight.
“He said, he’ll call you tomorrow.”
Spiky is not sure what this means.
All she can do now is wait.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/23/2022
34) He Believes in Spiky
Spiky’s phone rings.
She had to put down her things.
She and her dad exchange a nod.
Let’s see what this is about.
“Hello, Grandpa!” She shouts.
“One second, I’ll go somewhere quiet.”
Spiky steps outside the noisy warehouse.
A stray cat scurries away like a mouse.
Spiky kicks some snow on the ground.
For a moment on the phone there is no sound.
He speaks for a few minutes.
He wants to finance her film,
But with some limits.
Before he can, he asks for what they call,
A production package.
Something Spiky has little experience with,
But she knows she can manage.
Spiky tries not to cry.
She says, “I can do it,”
and they both say goodbye.
This the first time someone is trusting her
With something this big.
She promises her Grandpa she is trustworthy.
She’s going to do everything she can,
There will be no worries.
Note: Updates every Friday
12/30/2022
35) The Production Package
I knew it was now or never.
Something in my gut said so.
Let’s get this show on the road.
I dig through my room
To find my Producer textbook.
It’s hidden deep within a nook.
“I found it!” I hold it up.
Brushing off the dust I take a look.
During the day I work on the tiny home.
At night I go through the script and
Type up the budget.
No matter what I cannot fudge it.
I listen to a podcast called Indie Film Hustle.
It helps me build my filmmaker muscle.
I emailed the podcaster with questions.
He let me be on his YouTube channel.
I wore a nice shirt
And covered my pj pants flannel.
At the end of the recording he asked about my film.
He then said “It’s too ambitious for a filmmaker starting out.”
I let him be, because he doesn’t know the vision I see.
My dad is very supportive
By letting me have some days off.
I work on the script breakdown.
When tired I try not to lay down.
I work on the storyboard
One thing at a time
I move forward.
All together in an email, I hit send.
Grandpa approves it all.
This dream is no longer pretend
Note: Updates every Friday
1/6/2023
36) On the Other Side
It was odd to be on the other side.
Spiky has only been taught to apply.
She posts on social media
And whatever filmmaker website she could find.
She wants a talented crew who are also kind.
The cast can be someone from off the street.
As long as they have talent from their head to their feet.
Spiky gives her first interview through the phone,
In the workshop, while her dad works on the home.
She steps away from all the noise.
There are some old cat bones on the ground.
Spiky, on the phone keeps her poise.
She prayed it’s not a bad omen.
The interview is done in ten.
A few weeks pass,
She finishes her last task.
Emails go out to those she wants to hire.
Maybe it’s nerves, but her heart is on fire.
They have rehearsals.
There are a few pickles.
With two straight weeks
They finish the film with shreeks!
Spiky has never worked with such wonderful people.
Everyone high-fives for a job well done.
But Spiky is far from finished with this fun.
If this will be fun...
Note: Updates every Friday
1/20/2023
37) It’s Not Always Fun
For Two weeks Spiky was in the sun.
Now, indoors eating a cinnamon bun,
She checks all of the footage.
It takes days to match up the sound.
A few months being homebound.
Spiky figures out how to do the animation.
She tries to learn online, but it takes a lot of patients
And determination.
Her siblings yell through the apartment,
“Get your laundry!”
She folds her clothes unfondly.
“I don’t want to do this,” she pouts.
“Editing is so much work.”
“That’s filmmaking. Not everything about it is fun,”
Her brother spouts.
“Why don’t you get a job?” Her sister asks.
“I rather do what I want
Than do boring tasks.”
“Then don’t complain,” her brother strains.
Spiky picks up her folded clothes
And leaves the room.
“Back to editing.”
Note: Updates every Friday
1/20/2023
38) I Need More Space
There were a few attempts on how to do it.
I decided to cut out paper shapes.
With no room at my desk,
at the dining room table I sit.
It’s not like we eat here anyway.
But my brother tells me to “Go away!
Take your stuff and go use your desk.”
I keep doing my work in protest.
My mom comes into the room.
She stretches out her bare arms.
“Who wants to do the Marathon?”
My sister comes in without hesitation.
“I’ll go. I want a free shirt,” is her explanation.
My brother agrees just as easily.
Ugh, if they’re all doing it…
I might as well too.
“Fine,” I say, holding some sticky glue.
With excitement my mom recedes to her room.
My brother turns to me,“Spiky,
pick up your stuff and go use your desk.”
“Geeeeez!”
Note: Updates every Friday
1/27/2023
39) A Letter to Myself
There’s something that isn’t mentioned when you grow up.
As time goes on,
There are less friends who ask, “What’s up?”
Less time wasted together wondering about the future.
Less conversations on the pointless little things.
Less “Wouldn’t it be cool if we did this,
go there, watch that?”
Less empty plans.
More time alone.
More time to be off your phone.
More sitting in your room feeling lost.
More ifs, buts and excuses to not do what you should.
More and more like a shell of the adult you think you should be.
As we grow, so does the distance between our friends.
What do we do with the gaps?
We make our own maps.
Go find some new chaps!
Be open to anything
That will stop you from a collapse.
Petals and Red are still around.
New adventures can still be found.
Become strong.
Make a place you belong.
You got this Spiky.
Note: Updates every Friday
2/3/2023
40) Things Really Do Take Time
Spiky is sick.
Sick of telling everyone the same thing.
She imagines her friends and strangers thinking,
“Who is this chick?
All she says is, ‘I’m editing this film.”
It’s been 5 months...no 7.
Is Spiky really sure of this profession?
Maybe she’s learning a lesson.
Not just from editing,
But from the tiny home as well.
Things take time.
Good things take even MORE time.
She rejoins her father and brother.
The home is almost finished.
She grumbles and gruffs at her progress.
I think she should pin-it.
No one wants to hear a complainer.
Though, if you were in her shoes
Would you blame her?
Note: Updates every Friday
2/10/2023
41) Spiky’s Gut Takes Her on a Trip
“It’s a brilliant idea,” she thinks.
While the animator does his thing,
“I can go to Turkey to learn the language,”
(To whom, I have no idea) she winks.
On the plane she goes.
A six month trip,
Will she become fluent? Who knows.
She takes a language class,
She tries her best,
though she’s not very fast.
At 6am she wakes up,
To run 6 miles of laps.
Training on her own for the 2019 marathon.
Weekends she and her friends lay on a park lawn.
She gets some food poisoning and loses some weight.
The food here in Turkey is certainly not fake.
She struggles to learn in a country
Where many want to learn English.
Reaching level two is difficult.
Her classes are extinguished.
Bawling on the bathroom floor
Spiky has failed her exam.
At some point she opens the door.
This is her chance to learn
The way she wants to.
She makes note cards, and not just a few.
She covers the walls of her bedroom.
A text message from her animator,
“I can’t do this anymore, sorry.
Talk to you later.”
Note: Updates every Friday
2/17/2023
42) Enjoying The Last of It
After some talking to the animator
He no longer wants to animate,
But go a different route in life.
Spiky has 3 months left.
Her insides feel really tight.
Everything is ready, but that one thing.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a PING.
Her frozen pizza is ready.
She makes the most of her time
Now that she’s no longer in a class.
She becomes an English speaking partner.
She pets a lot of the Istanbul cats.
Plot out a story of a girl who isn’t fat.
Spiky works a bit at TRT World as an editor.
Keeping busy makes her feel better.
Her sister comes to visit.
They explore the old history.
On the European side they sit.
As beautiful as it all is,
Spiky’s adventure has to come to an end.
On the airplane they descend.
Back to America,
Back to work.
Note: Updates every Friday
2/24/2023
43) Are They Actually Adults Yet?
Rather than relying on a friend,
Spiky hires someone online.
Hopefully they are a good find.
Red invites Spiky to a wedding.
Her friend from their high school
Is tying the knot.
Are they really at that age already?
Red helps Spiky
With her hair of raw spaghetti.
Spiky can’t remember
The last time she looked girly.
She is excited, purely.
They make it just in time.
The groom comes out like a superstar.
He hasn’t changed at all so far.
Spiky can’t help but think,
“He’s a kid! Why is this happening?”
Time is passing in a blink.
The bride comes out,
The groom tries to keep it together.
They picked a good day
With nice weather.
They say their vows at the altar.
The groom speaks nothing but of her.
It is her turn. She says
How much he cares for her,
And how happy he makes her.
Spiky couldn’t help but catch
The bride’s batch of words.
Not once did she say anything about him.
It was all what he did for her.
Other than that,
She seemed like a nice girl...woman?
Everyone cheers for their first kiss
As a married couple.
“Let’s get some food,” says Spiky.
Red get’s up and chuckles.
It’s weird.
There are a few other kids from high school.
The old students sit around at the table.
Many have gained some extra cushion.
Spiky has to move her chair in
because people behind her kept push’n.
“You look exactly the same!” Says Dame.
“Are you an alien?” He looks serious.
Spiky laughs it off as if oblivious.
She was secretly hoping
She got prettier...but oh well.
They all chat and catch up.
Everyone is still with their parents.
Which is sad and comforting at the same time.
All in all everyone is doing fine.
It’s been a while since Spiky
Has had the chance to get up
And dance.
Red and Spiky move to the beat.
Some songs pass.
Everyone now has to go back to their seats.
It is time for the groom and bride
To dance with their parents.
Spiky’s eyes are on the groom and his mom.
They had tears in their eyes during the soft song.
Spiky starts to tear up as well.
This kid is an adult now.
Wow,
“I can’t imagine what his mom is feeling.”
Spiky was really happy for the groom,
To find his wife.
Reflecting on life,
Spiky feels behind.
Behind in her love life,
Behind in her independence,
Behind in achieving something.
Anything.
Finishing the film,
Finishing the tiny home
Are nothing but a must.
Note: Updates every Friday, but I'll be a way for a while. So, I'm posting two more poems.
2/24/2023
44) Open House
She hires some trustworthy animators
To get the job done.
All Spiky can do is direct them and wait.
Spiky returns to the tiny home workshop.
The home is almost done.
There’s still much to do...actually a ton.
They need to shellac,
Finish the bathroom,
try not to break their backs,
Get more screws, find a loo,
Finish the closet door,
Deal with the rain pour
And floods.
They work and work.
On October 13th they open the door.
An open house for family and friends.
Spiky welcomes some people off the street.
They see the house and fly off their feet.
Everyone is very impressed.
Her dad feels very blessed.
Two of his kids helped make this happen.
He gives everyone a tour,
They’re all laughing.
To Spiky this isn’t over yet.
Not until someone buys the house.
It will surely happen soon
Her family bets.
Note: Updates every Friday
2/24/2023
45) The 2019 Marathon
It’s 6 am and it’s the big day.
The day Spiky did not think too much about.
Her brother with a hurt foot
Is at home on the couch.
Spiky, her mother and sis are in Staten Island.
They pass some shouts.
“Green village that way!
Red village is to your right!”
“Where are the bathrooms?
My insides are feeling tight,”
Asks a runner.
Spiky is in the last group to start.
What a bummer.
Her mother leaves them
And goes to the start.
Spiky holds her stomach.
She can’t tell if she needs to fart.
She and her sis sit on the grass.
Some runners pass
A little too fast!
“Hey! Save your energy,”
Says their friend.
It’s time for her sis to go.
They’re both pretty calm.
They take one last photo.
Really, the only thing Spiky is worried about,
Is her right foot.
This past month it has been hurting.
She rolls her foot to make sure it’s okay.
Little pins and needles.
She’ll be fine…
Maybe?
To the port-a-potties her head keeps turning.
“I’ll go one more time.”
There is a chime.
“Green group, you have 5 minutes
To get to the starting line.”
Here we go.
Note: Updates every Friday
3/24/2023
43) Are They Actually Adults Yet?
Rather than relying on a friend,
Spiky hires someone online.
Hopefully they are a good find.
Red invites Spiky to a wedding.
Her friend from their high school
Is tying the knot.
Are they really at that age already?
Red helps Spiky
With her hair of raw spaghetti.
Spiky can’t remember
The last time she looked girly.
She is excited, purely.
They make it just in time.
The groom comes out like a superstar.
He hasn’t changed at all so far.
Spiky can’t help but think,
“He’s a kid! Why is this happening?”
Time is passing in a blink.
The bride comes out,
The groom tries to keep it together.
They picked a good day
With nice weather.
They say their vows at the altar.
The groom speaks nothing but of her.
It is her turn. She says
How much he cares for her,
And how happy he makes her.
Spiky couldn’t help but catch
The bride’s batch of words.
Not once did she say anything about him.
It was all what he did for her.
Other than that,
She seemed like a nice girl...woman?
Everyone cheers for their first kiss
As a married couple.
“Let’s get some food,” says Spiky.
Red get’s up and chuckles.
It’s weird.
There are a few other kids from high school.
The old students sit around at the table.
Many have gained some extra cushion.
Spiky has to move her chair in
because people behind her kept push’n.
“You look exactly the same!” Says Dame.
“Are you an alien?” He looks serious.
Spiky laughs it off as if oblivious.
She was secretly hoping
She got prettier...but oh well.
They all chat and catch up.
Everyone is still with their parents.
Which is sad and comforting at the same time.
All in all everyone is doing fine.
It’s been a while since Spiky
Has had the chance to get up
And dance.
Red and Spiky move to the beat.
Some songs pass.
Everyone now has to go back to their seats.
It is time for the groom and bride
To dance with their parents.
Spiky’s eyes are on the groom and his mom.
They had tears in their eyes during the soft song.
Spiky starts to tear up as well.
This kid is an adult now.
Wow,
“I can’t imagine what his mom is feeling.”
Spiky was really happy for the groom,
To find his wife.
Reflecting on life,
Spiky feels behind.
Behind in her love life,
Behind in her independence,
Behind in achieving something.
Anything.
Finishing the film,
Finishing the tiny home
Are nothing but a must.
Note: Updates every Friday
3/31/2023
44) Open House
She hires some trustworthy animators
To get the job done.
All Spiky can do is direct them and wait.
Spiky returns to the tiny home workshop.
The home is almost done.
There’s still much to do...actually a ton.
They need to shellac,
Finish the bathroom,
try not to break their backs,
Get more screws, find a loo,
Finish the closet door,
Deal with the rain pour
And floods.
They work and work.
On October 13th they open the door.
An open house for family and friends.
Spiky welcomes some people off the street.
They see the house and fly off their feet.
Everyone is very impressed.
Her dad feels very blessed.
Two of his kids helped make this happen.
He gives everyone a tour,
They’re all laughing.
To Spiky this isn’t over yet.
Not until someone buys the house.
It will surely happen soon
Her family bets.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/7/2023
45) The 2019 Marathon
It’s 6 am and it’s the big day.
The day Spiky did not think too much about.
Her brother with a hurt foot
Is at home on the couch.
Spiky, her mother and sis are in Staten Island.
They pass some shouts.
“Green village that way!
Red village is to your right!”
“Where are the bathrooms?
My insides are feeling tight,”
Asks a runner.
Spiky is in the last group to start.
What a bummer.
Her mother leaves them
And goes to the start.
Spiky holds her stomach.
She can’t tell if she needs to fart.
She and her sis sit on the grass.
Some runners pass
A little too fast!
“Hey! Save your energy,”
Says their friend.
It’s time for her sis to go.
They’re both pretty calm.
They take one last photo.
Really, the only thing Spiky is worried about,
Is her right foot.
This past month it has been hurting.
She rolls her foot to make sure it’s okay.
Little pins and needles.
She’ll be fine…
Maybe?
To the port-a-potties her head keeps turning.
“I’ll go one more time.”
There is a chime.
“Green group, you have 5 minutes
To get to the starting line.”
Here we go.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/7/2023
45) The 2019 Marathon
It’s 6 am and it’s the big day.
The day Spiky did not think too much about.
Her brother with a hurt foot
Is at home on the couch.
Spiky, her mother and sis are in Staten Island.
They pass some shouts.
“Green village that way!
Red village is to your right!”
“Where are the bathrooms?
My insides are feeling tight,”
Asks a runner.
Spiky is in the last group to start.
What a bummer.
Her mother leaves them
And goes to the start.
Spiky holds her stomach.
She can’t tell if she needs to fart.
She and her sis sit on the grass.
Some runners pass
A little too fast!
“Hey! Save your energy,”
Says their friend.
It’s time for her sis to go.
They’re both pretty calm.
They take one last photo.
Really, the only thing Spiky is worried about,
Is her right foot.
This past month it has been hurting.
She rolls her foot to make sure it’s okay.
Little pins and needles.
She’ll be fine…
Maybe?
To the port-a-potties her head keeps turning.
“I’ll go one more time.”
There is a chime.
“Green group, you have 5 minutes
To get to the starting line.”
Here we go.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/7/2023
46) One of Two Lessons
I’ve been limping for the past month.
The night before, I kneeled at my bed.
Praying to God, this is what I said.
“Miracles have happened before.
This is the first time I’m asking you,
I don’t care how fast I go,
So what if I am slow?
I promise to finish the race!
Just let my foot heal
So tomorrow I can move with grace.”
They shoot the gun.
Everyone starts to run.
I take it slow across the bridge.
So far so good.
It’s all planned out.
I’ll see my friends in Queens,
In Long Island City see Ms. Sheans.
My brother and Dad on 100 something street.
Red and Petals will be near the finish line.
All I need to do is focus on my feet.
I enter Brooklyn, there’s a big crowd.
They shout and cheer feeling proud.
I can’t wait to see my friends
To show them this big accomplishment.
I text them while running.
The amount of runners is stunning.
I have to zig zag through them.
There’s no reply from anyone.
My running coach said
She’d cheer me on at Fulton.
As I run she’s nowhere in sight.
I do a full turn.
I’m entering Queens,
Guess she missed me.
“Aw beans!”
There’s no response from my friends in Queens
And no sign of Ms. Sheans.
5 minutes later they text they missed me.
A sense of being on my own,
A feeling that’s not not known.
My legs start to hurt.
I hit my legs with loud smacks,
“Wake up! We’re finishing this race.
That’s a fact!”
I hold back tears.
Strangely for happiness.
Most of the time I’m on my own.
If only I had a team, a mentor,
To not always be stuck at home,
More people to believe in me,
And an audience
To see the work I do with glee.
It sounds odd to you,
But today, I feel heard.
“Ask and you shall receive.”
My foot is completely fine.
God was listening to me!
“I mean he always has-
But the time between my big wish
And it becoming real
Is usually a long time-span.”
I thank him.
I thank him.
I smack my legs,
I thank him.
Today I was reminded
He’s always watching.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/21/2023
47) Lesson Number Two
The lower half of my body hurts,
So does the skin around my under arms.
Next time I won’t wear a sleeveless shirt.
What also hurts is the realization,
“Whether people see your hard work or not,
You need to support yourself,
In your work,
And in this race.”
I repeated that with deep concentration.
I’m running to 100 something street.
Out of nowhere I see a familiar face.
She looks at me, “Spiky?!”
To see her here I would have thought unlikely.
An old high school friend.
My face lights up brightly!
I run over to her and say, “Hi.”
Her mouth runs a mile a minute!
“Do you need anything?
“Water? Salt? A Big Gulp?”
“Thanks, but I’m good.”
We wave goodbye.
I release a happy sigh.
“Thanks again,”
I said looking up to the sky.
At 100 and something
I hear my name again,“Spiky!”
My dad and bro are packed in the crowd tightly.
They wish me good luck and they’ll see me later.
With the strength I have left I keep going.
I enter Central Park. My energy becomes greater.
I made two promises.
One to God to finish the race,
One to myself that I will finish strong.
I know the finish line is coming.
My heart is drumming.
“No, not yet.
Not just yet.”
Red and Petals are nowhere to be seen.
People on the sidelines scream.
Flags from around the world appear.
I beam.
“Now!”
I build up to a sprint.
I pass the runners in front of me.
People in the stands pass to the left side of me.
The sun is gone,
The bright light of the finish line
Might make me go blind.
All I think is, “Body,
Whatever you have to say right now,
I DON’T CARE!”
I do what I was taught and run past the finish line.
Now that I am here it’s okay if I die.
I kept both of my promises.
And my right foot feels great.
Note: Updates every Friday
4/28/2023
48) Together For Christmas
At the nursing home they gather in the screening room.
Spiky prepares to share her film.
Her Grandpa says, “Let’s see your play-film.”
Spiky does a weak presentation before pressing “play.”
The animation is not all there,
Some clips are too long,
The music isn’t exactly where it belongs.
They reach the end.
Her Grandma says she likes it,
So does their old friend.
Spiky’s Grandpa lends one piece of advice,
“With your presentation you needed more confidence,”
And ended with, “The movie is very nice.”
The Grandparents’ old friend suggests applying to Cannes.
Spiky adds it to her festival plans.
Will she make it?
Who knows?
All she does know,
Is that she’s not at the finish line yet.
Note: Updates every Friday
5/6/2023
49) It’s Not Over
On Premiere Pro she edits.
The animation looks good.
She moves on to the credits.
Spiky watches it 5 more,
3 more, and 6 more times.
At the dining room table
Where she refuses to move,
“Is...is it finished?”
She checks it one last time.
Her face glows.
“IT IS!
It is!
It...is…”
Spiky’s head is far past the moment.
Thinking of festivals, marketing,
Who this movie is targeting.
There’s still more to do.
This film is special.
For festivals
It can’t be submitted to a few.
She’s going to have to Kickstart this.
Spiky needs to get everything ready,
So she starts making a list.
Note: Updates every Friday
5/12/2023
50) She Makes A Kickstarter
Spiky plans to have a screening.
She invites her friends, family,
The cast and crew.
With embarrassment she is steaming.
“Maybe my film is bad...
I did the best I could though.
There’s nothing left to do.”
Maybe someone will like it,
Maybe even a few.
The date is set.
It will be shown at a hotel in Queens.
Then it turns into a bad dream.
Everything starts to shut down.
The theaters, shops, stores
And others.
Everyone was excited to go,
Now they have to be stuck at home.
Spiky keeps going anyway.
Being at home is nothing new.
In her bones she still has a lot to prove.
She makes a Kickstarter account,
With a video, photos, the whole load.
“The film is finished.
All we need is your support.
We’ll apply to festivals. 30 to be exact!”
Spiky put in all this effort.
She’s going to go all out with a shout!
Every morning she wakes up with a bolt.
On her phone or on her computer,
She prepares a post, clenches her teeth
and sends it out.
She posts on her three instagram accounts,
As well as her Facebook, and Linkedin account.
She is embarrassed with each post,
And doesn’t want to spam everyone she knows.
“Gah, if I don’t do anything I’m toast!”
She only has a month.
Slowly but surely
One by one, someone supports her.
Each person who donates makes her day!
She messages them back
With so much gratitude.
She’s slowly getting back a positive attitude.
She writes to her Grandpa,
The one who helped her start this journey.
She tells him of her progress along the way.
It’s the 30th day,
She reaches her goal!
Now is the next phase.
Festivals.
Note: Updates every Friday